Our Greatest Killer

Do-gooders are forever obsessed with installing traffic lights. As if our freeways weren’t slow enough, they have to slow down our surface streets, the only viable way to traverse town. They seem to ignore the fact that automobiles long to kill in driveways and yards, not asphalt.

And why aren’t they taking on the real killer? Mayonnaise. Didn’t we learn anything from our GIs KIA’d in France?

Stevie Barrett’s home on Pennswood:



Note the kid out front. He and his family may learn the hard way that Dame Fate tempers her unremitting brutality with cruel irony. Of course, the family has built barricades to stop homicidal, mayonnaise-containing Chryslers.

Ellis Keim was hit May 23 in this driveway:



Well, tough to get a bead on where that was, until you turn 180 degrees and see what the neighborhood used to look like.